Few Words

It's weird. I've been frustrated by my lack of writing or sharing some little nugget. Seems like I go through periods of writing and other periods of just blogging the everyday happenings of our household of craziness. Lately I've been frustrated by my lack of writing and have thought and thought....

"What is the matter with me? Am I not growing, learning and changing as in previous months? Is God working in my life now or am I not allowing Him to work and grieving the Spirit?"

I think the reply I have to give myself and to those who read and drop by occasionally is this.

I don't have an answer. I know God is always working in my life. Albeit differently at different times. I do know the seasons in my life as wife and mother of 4 very busy kids, changes almost monthly. Some months are quiet---I have more time for contemplation. The quiet even lends itself to writing and study on a different level than it has been these past couple months. Actually since January I feel like I've been a rat in one of those experiments...running, running, running on the ever turning wheel.

I've been processing more information that usual as well. I've read and read and read books the past couple months. I see that as a victory. My mind says...."Good, you are accomplishing your ever climbing list of 'to do's' However, when I read and read like that; continually with not much break between things...I find I don't process like I do when life is slower...quieter. I find that there is more substance and long term rewards (if you can call them that-- maybe benefit is a better word) when I go at a slower pace and process, rather than gobble up every feast of book my eyes have set before me. For the avid reader, I think I am in danger of reading too much. (Is that possible?) For me...it is....if I am not processing as I should.

Truth is. I am growing. I know that because I am so confronted w/my own weakness, sin, selfishness, pride, arrogance, deceit, lies; every day. For example, my conscience is bothered with the way I speak to my kids and when I read examples in The Heart of Anger; by Lou Priolo, my heart and soul cry out..."THATS ME" and the very Words of Scripture printed before me pry away at all those above mentioned things...exposing my dreadfullness for what it is....just plain ole' vile sin. It is just such a vicious battle that I engage in daily for the purity of Christ. So many days I just think I will never be able to attain true sanctification because I just am such a screw up. How in the world can I ever be acceptable to God?

In my daily reading from Table Talk, the past week it was on Angels and Demons (going through the book of Matthew this year) I especially was piqued by the one entitled "The Angel of Light" The author was talking of the accusatory nature of Satan and how

" the Devil likes to remind us of our sin; to tell us the Father cannot possibly love us because we always serve Him with mixed motives and therefore it is often very hard to distinguish that from the work of the Spirit who convicts us of our wickedness and makes us feel the pain of offending God as well as the terrible sense that we are absent from His presence. Yet the Holy Spirit always wounds us so that He may bring healing and resotration with the Father. Satan's work of accusation only keeps us away from God and paralyzes us with the horror of sin, preventing us from serving the Lord and others. This is why we must remember God's grace in the Gospel. Every sin is deeply offensive to the Lord, but in light of our justification (Romans 8:31-39) no charge can be laid against us. When we repent God really does forgive us." Tabletalk for Tuesday, May 27th

Then again I am thankful. Thankful for Scripture. Thankful for the Word that is God.

"Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect?^(D) It is God who justifies. 34^(E) Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—^(F) who is at the right hand of God,^(G) who indeed is interceding for us.^[b] 35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword" Romans 8:33-35